This past week, I turned down an opportunity I thought was an answer to my (seemingly) endless prayers. I thought it was what I was looking for at a time when I needed it the most. It took some serious thought and (more and more) prayer to see that it may have been more of a hindrance than a help.
I am currently in a very trying season of my life – one that has me reevaluating many facets of my day-to-day routine and what I find optional versus necessary. At random and inconvenient times, it has me twisted up in knots or flailing around like an emotional weeble wobble. I have depended more on the love and strength of others more than I think I ever have. I have also, and most importantly, been praying long and hard for opportunities and circumstances to come along that would help ease the pain, guilt, and lack of control that I feel everyday going to work and struggling to make it back home.
This week I thought my prayers had finally been answered! It was a chance to change things, to make day-to-day life easier for me, to help me accomplish what I need to during this season. I was excited, nervous, feeling as if the butterflies in my stomach would carry me away at any moment. I was so grateful, I almost immediately said yes!
But then, my brain took over and told my heart to cool it for a minute (insert sassy emoji here). I thought more about the opportunity – what it really meant, what I would have to give up, and what I would have to change in order for my lifestyle to meet its requirements. It turns out, this opportunity was only a fraction of what I was searching for. As if I wasn’t pouring my heart and soul out every day, now I was being asked to give up even more in exchange for momentary convenience. I was giving up what I should not be parting with; and in the end, the cons outweighed the pros.
I know without a doubt that what I’m praying for, and what I need, is out there. I just have to trust in more than myself and my scary good Google skills. Until then, I’ll keep at it, never giving up or giving in.
Now, some notes to myself from my experience this week that I’ll be keeping close to my heart as I work toward my goal (hopefully they’ll help you, as well!):
- If something sounds too good to be true, especially during a vulnerable season of life, it just may be. Think carefully about whether or not it’s in accord with recent prayers and personal limitations.
- Trust both your heart and your head when deciding whether or not the opportunity is what you have been searching for. On the surface it may be perfect, but you know best. Ask questions, honestly evaluate your needs, and invite unbiased opinions from others (there are a few people I could not live without when it comes to telling me the cold, hard truth).
- Most importantly, it’s OK to say no. It’s OK to want more when you’ve been praying for it. God is not shy in answering prayers that are in accord with his will, so there should never be a doubt in my mind when the real answer comes along.
You made it this far, let’s stay in touch!